How to Talk Hick
Being a member of a bluegrass/gospel band, you right better learn
some Hick. Below done be a sample of Local Standard Hick in action:
Grits: Howdy! How is ya?
Jeebs: Mighty fine, I reckon. How is things with you?
Grits: Mighty fine as well, sir.
Jeebs: Why, we done had a ho-down last Saturday night. Where was ya?
Grits: I was down by the river prayin. I've been feelin right thankful
to the Lord lately.
Jeebs: We, too, Brother. Why not pray at our communal prayin time, and
come to our gospel ho-downs, too?
Grits: Hwai, that sounds mighty fine, Uncle Jeebers.
Aside from your regular "I is" and "those is" subject-verb agreements,
Hick comes with lots of bright, colorful idioms sure to put a smile
on your sun-burned face. Here are a few examples for your enjoyment.
Local Standard Hick
||Well I'll be a monkey's uncle!
|He's a hipocrite.
||He's all hat and no cattle.
|I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't criticize every minute detail of my argument, sir.
|Stop pickin the fly poo outta pepper.
|That's really wonderful.
|Ain't that the berries!
|Wow, you sure get to sleep early.
|You done go to bed with the chickens.
And here's a short dictionary of single words in proper southern english:
Etymology: contraction of are not
1 : am not : are not : is not
2 : have not : has not
3 : do not : does not : did not -- used in some varieties of Black English
To pressurize or inflate. Example: "Air-up your car tires before you go on a long trip."
Function: Verbal phrase
Originates from the word "lark" which means to engage in harmless fun or mischief. To go a larking means to play a prank or joke on someone.
Etymology: Intensive form of y'all
This usage states "you all" more emphatically. For example, saying "I know y'all," would mean that one knows a group of people; saying, "I know all y'all" would mean that one knows the members of the group individually.
A large knife.
Arkansawyer, Arkansan, Arkie
Function: Adjective or noun
1: A resident or native of Arkansas.
2: Referring to a resident or native of Arkansas.
Marked by impatience or ill humor . Refers to the way a snake bows up his head before he strikes.
Askew. Example: The storm knocked the boat cattywampus and it started to take on water.
Chief Cook and Bottle Washer
A person capable of doing many things.
For sure. Correct. "You're darn tootin', that is oil."
Function: Verbal phrase
To urge to do something. Example: "He only did it because the crowd egged him on."
To calculate, consider, conclude or decide. Example: "He hadn't figured on winning the lottery."
Fit As A Fiddle
In good shape, healthy.
Fit to be tied
To get set : be on the verge Example: We're fixin' to leave soon.
Customary accompaniments. Example: We had a carrot dinner with all the fixins.
Grab A Root
Have dinner. "Root" refers to potatoes.
Grits (Hominy Grits)
Hominy or plain corn that's been ground until it has the consistency of coarse sand. It's used as a side dish, a breakfast cereal, or as an ingredient in baked goods.
Etymology: probably from Flemish hankeren, frequentative of hangen to hang; akin to Old English hangian
A strong or persistent desire or yearning -- often used with for or after. Example: I have a hankering for fried okra. I've really been craving it."
A large quantity. Example: Billy got into a heap of trouble when he stole his dad's car.
Function: Verbal phrase
A form of "hear it told." Often conveys that the information was passed second hand. Example: "I hear tell that the new mini-mall is going up next month."
A small cake made of cornmeal.
Etymology: Virginia Algonquian -homen, literally, that treated (in the way specified)
Kernels of corn that have been soaked in a caustic solution (as of lye) and then washed to remove the hulls.
Smart. Example: She has horse sense. She'll make it in business.
Etymology: alteration of how do ye
Used to express greeting.
A Southern food made with cornmeal. They are small, round balls of cornbread and spices that are deep fried and often served with carrots. These were originally fed to dogs to quiet their begging at the table.
Everything is great.
Any of numerous rather large leaf-eating scarab beetles (subfamily Melolonthinae) that fly chiefly in late spring and have larvae that are white grubs which live in soil and feed chiefly on the roots of grasses and other plants -- called also june beetles.
Laying out [all night]
Function: Verbal phrase
Staying out all night, often drinking of doing something illicit. Example: "I was laying out at the bar last night so I had a hangover."
Lazy man's load
A lazy man's load is an unmanageably large load carried to avoid making more than one trip. This colloquial phrase is often used to indicate that someone is too lazy to think properly. Example: 'Sam took a lazy man's load of groceries out of the car and ended up spilling them all over the sidewalk."
Function: Adverbial phrase
Almost. Example: "I like to pee my pants when that car hit me."
Almost. Example: "I nearabout ran over that squirrel in the road."
Of no account; good for nothing.
To nurse. Example: "She nussed the sick dog to bring it back to health."
Okie or Sooner
A resident or native of Oklahoma.
A green, cylindrical vegetable that is often fried in the South.
Pronunciation: 'or-n&-rE, 'är-; 'orn-rE, 'ärn-
Inflected Form(s): or·neri·er; -est
Etymology: alteration of ordinary
Having an irritable disposition.
Out of kilter
Not right. Out of sorts. Example: John was out of kilter for a while when he was relocated to New York."
Pack or Tote
Concerned over or attentive to details : meticulous.
Relatives, kinfolk. Example: "Shelly went to see her people on vacation."
Small or inferior. Example: "His work only gave him a piddlin' 1% raise. Function: Adverb
Poorly. Example: "She felt piddlin' so she didn't go to school."
To waste time. Example: He spent all his time piddlin' and never got anything done."
Poke, Pokeweed, Poke Salad
A type of salad often eaten in the South. Pokeweed can be toxic if not chosen and prepared properly.
Etymology: Middle English rekenen, from Old English -recenian (as in gerecenian to narrate, akin to Old English reccan
Date: 13th century
1 : Count Example: To reckon the days till Christmas 2 : to regard or think of as : Consider 3 : Think, suppose Example: "I reckon I've outlived my time -- Ellen Glasgow"
Very. Example: "You're right near the street you want to be on."
Function: Transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): riled; ril·ing
Etymology: var. of roil
To make agitated and angry : Upset
Form of rather.
Scarce As Hen's Teeth
Rare or scarce.
To remove the outer covering of a nut, corn or shellfish.
Slap your pappy
To pat your stomach.
Snug As A Bug
Etymology: alteration of darnation, euphemism for damnation
Used to indicate surprise, shock, displeasure, or censure.
Tarred and Feathered
Refers to the practice of tarring and feathering people who committed small crimes such as distilling in colonial America (and in England). Today, it is often used to denote great suprise. Example: "I'll be tarred and feathered, that dog just flew!"
Function: Adjectival phrase
1: Broken. 2: Upset. Example: He was tore about wrecking his new Corvette. Tote
Function: Transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): tot·ed; tot·ing
Etymology: perhaps from an English-based creole; akin to Gullah & Krio tot to carry Date: 1677
To carry by hand : bear on the person
A long line on which short lines are attached, each with a hook, for catching catfish. Some times mispronounced as trout line.
Etymology: perhaps akin to British dialect tumpoke to fall head over heels Date: 1967
To tip or turn over especially accidentally.
Etymology: alteration of vermin
An animal considered a pest; specifically : one classed as vermin and unprotected by game law.
Walking on a slant
War between the States; War for Southern Independence; War of Northern Aggression
The Civil War
Variant(s): also wash·e·te·ria /wä-sh&-'tir-E-&, wo-
Etymology: wash + -ateria or -eteria (as in cafeteria)
chiefly Southern : a self-service laundry
Whup or whoop
Pronunciation: 'hüp, 'hup, 'hwüp, 'hwup, 'wüp, 'wup
Variant of "to whip". To hit or spank.
Ye all or you all.
Someone from the North.
Ye ones. Example: "Yeens better go before you're late."
Etymology: Middle English, from yond + -er (as in hither)
Date: 14th century
At or in that indicated more or less distant place usually within sight.
Your druthers is my ruthers
"Your preferences are mine," "We agree."
(adapted from here)
Beatin round the bush
Need a smile? Use Hick to express them words that normally make ya winch:
Words for poo:
black banana, blind eels, colon cannonballs, corn eyed bottom snake, crapsters, the fourth teletubby, keester cakes, Mississippi mud, sea pickle, sewer serpent, rearsicles, bayoo slug (pronouced BAH-oh in Hick, bah-YOO in creole), yellow submarine, rump taters, tom cruise missile, toxic turdey, booty hole burnout, Montezuma's revenge
cook some beans, christen the comfort station, clean one's rear, drop a chalupa, talk to a man about a horse, lay mud
cattle cookies, doggy sausage, dog logs, elk duds, land mines, lawn sausage
poontang, cat flaps, furburger, bunky, coochie, muff, hooha, poonany, beef curtains, chuff, gash, fanny, cooter, bergina, hatchet wound, bearded oyster, hooch, panty hamster, bearded clam, minge, crotch, nooky, quim, snatch, mud flaps, poon, tuppance...
Synonyms for Hick:
bumpkin, cracker, clodhopper, cornfed, cornpoke, good ol' boy, hayseed, redneck, rube, yokel
Hick members of the KBH:
Uncle Jeebers, Brother Catfish, Colonel Goobers, Rastus Jones, Grits Moonshiner, Billybob Knox, Doctor Rob, Nachers Weir, Jasper Sullivan, Shep Roscoe, Trevor Beadles, Carland Hungus, Coondog Coe, Marland Grandles, Cousin Shamrock, Uncle Lijah, Swanee Rivers and more!
See how easy that was? In no time you'll be ready for your first KBH meetin.
[contributed by Uncle Jeebers]
Another good Hick reference
Hick machine translation
Method for talkin to Hicks from all over the world: Learn Esperanto! Esperanto, like many a European gibber, is based on Latin but is free of the pretentious horsefeathers that keep hardworkin men from participatin in serious political discussion. How is it that Gerald Levin of AOL-Tahm Warner decides what is proper English through that horrid, kosher jews service called CNN? No one wants to talk like one of them prissy wallstreet bankers anyways.
Who We Is
How to Join
KBH original Articles:
Are Sports Really Valuable?
One Continent Man's Sperm Test
Drugs vs. Prayer
Man vs. Woman
Porn Slave Epitaph
Killed by Their
Becoming a Cow
The Mythopoetic Men's Movement
New Menation Cult proposed
China vs. India
Prudes are the Real Sexperts
Teeterin on TC?
Go Hang a Salami, I'm a
Thoughts on Kids
How Faggy is Bodybuildin?
How to Keep Your Stallion in
Health of Nations
How to Talk Hick
Sex is Not Enjoyable
The End of Mankind
A Discussion Between Dr.
Rob and Uncle Jeebers
Why Intoxicants Cause
ॐ The Gospel of the Holy Twelve ॐ
7th Day Adventism
Jesus was White  
Try out the KBH lifestyle:
Or to live with KBH members contact us
Madogga: One of History's Biggest Dicks
Brian Regan 
Bill Burr 
The Benefits of Vegetarianism
Subverting the Disney Legacy
Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross
The value of silence
Cow Protection and its Importance to Society [pdf]
How Virility is Destroyed
We Believe in Being Chaste [LDS link]
Statement on the Environment [7th Day Adventist link]
The Successful Politician
Does Not Drink by George Washington Plunkitt
Who Built the Moon?
against vastectomy which gives clues as to how left-hand
tantrists get sick
The crazy Talmud
What's up with Dinosaurs and Dragons? video
by Kent Hovind
the Sons of God
by Steve Quayle
Crisis to Peace: How vegetarianism can save
Semen Loss as cause of disease: 1800's French
European physician article
Swami Sivananda: The Horror of Semen Loss article
Preservation of Vital Fluid: Sikh article
The Dangers of Mouth Breathing: pdf article
Natural Health Videos
By Magnus Muller
Mormons against self-abuse:
Against MGM and
Porn Propaganda Debunked
Spitual Warfare: pdf article