The Knights of Banjo Hollow

Thoughts on Kids

There are two quotes that I know of from the Bible concerning which path is more desireable, that of a celibate or that of a householder. In both quotes it states that if one can accept being a celibate, then being celibate is best, but if one cannot accept it, then one should go for being a householder. There are several statements like this from many religious movements like ISKCON all the way to Pure Land Buddhism.

So what does it mean to accept or not accept celibacy? Well I'd guess accepting would be like grabbin a rung of a ladder and climbin onto it, and not acceptin would be like wantin to go up there, but the celibacy rung is to high, and so you go get a potato pan or somethin to stand on.

And that potato pan ain't no picnic basket. If you go that way, you're in for a thirty-year or more detour. Later on maybe you'll be alive, healthy and can part ways with the "pleasures" of seminal hemmoragin, bean countin and playin with tardlers. Maybe by then you'll realize you just took a very, very long detour on the way to God's kingdom. Perhaps standin on that pan wasn't all that necessary, was it?

When asked if he loves his kids, typically a father will pause a moment, then say, "Yuppers, I love 'em more than anythin." But what was that pause? What gives? The child-parent relationship is love-hate, somethin that works right up to a perfect balancin point between dishin out from the kids and puttin up from the parents. They get what they need by bein cute and funny, all of which are actually expressions of incompetence. This is why the great acharyas of our time say that you pay off your karma through your kids. That's like Hinduese for "your kids constantly torment you." I could go pay off some karma at a slave labor camp, too - if that's what I was lookin for.

At this point let us read from the daring brainiac Eric Hufschmid on the matter of kids and all their madcap antics:

...There's plenty of toys for everybody. But when one boy sees another boy playing with a toy, he decides that he needs that toy, so he drops his own toy and grabs the toy from the other boy, and then plays with it with no shame or embarrassment.

...You [probably] know that my attitude is that children are NOT miniature adults. I think children are an indication of what our primitive ancestors were like. Young children are like animals. They consider everything around them to be their own personal property. They grab at whatever they please. And once they grab something, they consider it to be their own. Children will grab items from retail stores and from other people without any shame or embarrassment.

When food is put on a dinner table, both animals and young children will grab at it. And if the children are very hungry, they resemble animals even more closely because their emotions will overpower what little intelligence they have.

Young children also eat just like animals. For example, they'll play with their food just like a cat plays with a mouse. When I was a child I thought it was fun to put butter on a piece of bread, pull off the crust, and then form the bread into cylinders, squares, rectangles, and other shapes. And young children consider it entertaining to throw food at one another, and very young children even consider it amusing to splash liquids, such as water or soup.

And it doesn't bother children to eat with their mouth open, or spit food onto the table, or eat food that they spit out. And when children are hungry, they will sometimes eat as rapidly as an animal, often without chewing the food.

Children and animals are not bothered by their waste products, either. Children don't care how messy a bathroom is, or even how messy their own body is.

Most people are not aware of how crude children are because we have powerful attractions to children. Women have such intense attractions to babies that it doesn't bother them much when babies vomit on them. The terrible qualities of children would be more obvious if an adult were to behave exactly the same.

I think it's important to have a realistic understanding of animals and children because I think it will help us to understand adult behavior. Just look at your own life. You should be able to see major changes in your personality and behavior. Young children and babies are parasites that require constant feeding and care, and they give nothing in return. When they don't get their way, they have temper tantrums. Their behavior is more disgusting than the most arrogant and selfish king of the Middle Ages. If children had the strength and independence of an adult, they'd be dangerous. Fortunately, children are physically weak, and very submissive.

It takes quite a few years before children can understand such concepts as personal property, plagiarism, theft, and lying. And it takes years for children to develop a concern for how they eat their meals.